Tim Marks
Playwright

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"We were particularly impressed by the vivid world of the play and by [the] characterization and dialogue."


"Shush. Let's just enjoy this moment of camaraderie. Fuck, I can't believe I managed to say that. Camaraderie! I don't think I'm nearly drunk enough."

 

locating the plant | pearldivers | eve's barette | the judas ballot | the cleric | the naz

the english crew | the tradition

An Excerpt from The English Crew, by Tim Marks

© 2003 Tim Marks. All rights reserved.

INT. NIGHT. A BAR IN THE CITY. ALICE COOPER IS SITTING OVER A BEER; HE IS DRUNK. PICKFORD APPROACHES HIM. COOPER SEES HIM IN THE MIRROR AND GROANS.

Alice

No lives to ruin elsewhere, asshole?

Pickford

I thought you could help me out.

Alice

Sure, which way did you come in?

Pickford

You can't beat the oldies. Did you have any luck finding Bones?

Alice

Yeah! I left him in the car while I have this beer.

Pickford

Are you serious?

Alice

Sure I am. Would I lie to IAD? Maybe I just forgot to lock the car.

Pickford

So nothing to report, then? Do you want a beer?

Alice

What?

Pickford

A beer, do you want one?

Alice

I wouldn't drink with you if you were the last man on earth... get me a Bud. Are you drunk, Pickford?

Pickford

Off my ass! I was celebrating with a friend. He made Sergeant.

Alice

IAD?

Pickford

Yeah.

Alice

How many times do you got to sell your soul to make Sergeant?

Pickford

Why you got to hate me? I'm just doing my job.

Alice

Cause you're trying to put me away.

Pickford

Why did you let that kid go?

Alice

I'm in love with him.

Pickford

What?

Alice

I saw him come out of that building with his hands up, and I just fell in love with him. How's about that beer?

Pickford gestures to the barman.

Pickford

So you did let him out?

Alice

Why do you want to know? I thought we were just having a sociable drink.

Pickford

You're right, I'll drop it. Would you answer some questions for me tomorrow?

Alice

Anything you want. What's your name?

Pickford

Robin.

Alice

Robin Pickford! It's a good name. Not like Alice Cooper. Shitty name that is.

Pickford

Why not just call yourself Al?

Alice

You don't think I try. Even an asshole like you calls me Alice!

The barman puts down the drink.

Pickford

Give him another one. Wait a minute. Do you want a scotch or something?

Alice

Vodka rocks.

Pickford

Double vodka rocks.

The barman goes away.

Pickford

What the hell were your parents thinking?

Alice

Hey! A bit of respect for my parents. My mother was Lithuanian, she thought Alice was a fine name. My Dad was so scared of her he just went along. What the hell, I survived, didn't I? Anyway, Robin's a girl's name.

Pickford

Sometimes, but Alice is always a girl's name.

Alice

Should we have that fight?

Pickford

Nah! So, you like boys, huh?

Alice

What does that mean?

Pickford

Well, you said you fell in love with Bones.

Alice

Not in that way! More like you would feel for a puppy.

Pickford

Is that why you let him out, cause he looked like a puppy?

The barman brings the drink. Alice does it in one swallow.

Pickford

Same again.

Alice

Why ain't you drinking, Robin!

Pickford

I've had enough.

Alice

You can never have enough.

The Barman returns with the drink. Alice necks it in one act.

Pickford

Same again.

Alice

Only if you join me!

Pickford

Two then. So something about Bones made you want to help him?

Alice

Did I say that?

Pickford

You said he was like a puppy dog.

Alice

Just like. Big ears, wet nose.

Pickford

What are you talking about?

Alice

How would I know, I'm supposed to be drunk!

The drinks arrive. Alice necks his. Pickford sips slowly.

Alice

Same again man.

The barman goes.

Alice

What the fuck you doing there, Robin? You're sipping that like a girl. Drink the fucking thing!

Pickford forces a smile and necks the drink.

Alice

Good, huh?

The barman comes back. Alice necks his drink and gestures to Pickford to follow. Reluctantly, he does.

Alice

Same again, barman.

Pickford

No! I've had enough. You have one, Alice.

Alice

Join me in one more double, and I'll tell you what happened with Bones. Fuck it, it's time to confess.

Pickford

Same again then.

The barman leaves.

Alice

Wait until we get our drinks.

Pickford

You're doing the right thing Alice. Clear the decks, and go forward.

Alice

Get on with my life!

Pickford

Right.

Alice

The truth ain't going to hurt me, right?

Pickford

The truth will set you free!

Alice Cooper raises his Bud can.

Alice

Freedom! And all I got to do is tell the truth?

Pickford

That's all you got to do. We can even go back to the House. Write it all down, get it all out in the open.

Alice raises his can again and shouts.

Alice

Out in the open! Gonna get it all out in the open!

Pickford tries to calm him.

Pickford

Easy does it, big feller. Quiet down a bit.

The barman returns with the drinks. Alice necks his, and looks to Pickford who reluctantly downs his.

Alice

Same again barman.

Pickford

No, I've had enough. I'm really starting to feel it.

Alice

Just a second, barman. Listen, Robin, after this you're going to take me downtown. It might be a long time before we share another drink. One more, and I promise that will be it.

Pickford is sweating profusely, and loosens his tie.

Pickford

It's awful damn hot in here. I'm done, Alice.

Alice

One more, my comrade, and then we'll face the truth. Barman, same again.

Pickford

I think...

Alice

Shush. Let's just enjoy this moment of camaraderie. Fuck, I can't believe I managed to say that. Camaraderie! I don't think I'm nearly drunk enough.

Pickford

I am. I can't believe I'm drunk. I think I might throw up.

Alice

No throwing up. No way.

The drinks arrive. Alice proposes a toast.

Alice

To comrades, whatever side they're on! Drink!

Pickford throws the drink down his neck, as Alice watches.

Pickford

I'm going to be sick, Alice.

He rushes past Alice, who puts his foot out. Pickford goes down, and as he tries to stand up heaves all over the leg of a man standing at the bar.

Man at bar

What the fuck?

Pickford stands up and backs away from the man.

Pickford

I am so sorry.

Man at bar

You drunken asshole. I'm going to teach you a lesson.

He advances toward Pickford, who grabs Alice.

Pickford

Alice, help me out, comrade.

Alice points at the man.

Alice

Just one second, brother, please. You wanted the truth, Pickford. Truth is, I can down a bottle of vodka and still walk a straight line. The truth is you tried to play me, and the final truth is this guy's going to rip your lying head off! He's all yours sir. Do to him what he wanted to do to me. Fuck him up!